You’re bouncing off the walls, swinging around the ceiling fan, doing flips all over the place. You’re irritated over little things, coming unglued at the seams, ready to fling yourself into oblivion. Nothing seems to be going right, the whole world seems against you. And you’ve only just gotten out of bed, to start the day.
Welcome to the world of *I Need Caffeine*! If only we could pipe in the caffeine during the night, without having to wake up with major caffeine withdrawal in the mornings. The person who invents the Breathe Caffeine In Machine will be rich.
So you get your Pepsi, Coke, coffee, or whichever brew you take to get the caffeine into your system as quickly as possible. Then you sit down and inhale it, hoping your nerves will soon be calm and collected and relaxed, so that you can function in a state of seemingly normality.
Looks can be deceiving! While the rest of the world thinks you are this sweet and loveable person, we all know what we really are.....a raving lunatic in search of more caffeine, waiting for the craving to hit us at the worst moment, when we are away from the caffeine stash.
What to do then? Do we just grin and take it? Or do we drop into high speed again, and set out on the grand quest for caffeine? Do we die from the craving and withdrawal? Or do we search out caffeine, and inhale it once again, in the hopes that we will get it in time before our stack blows?
Caffeine withdrawal can be a bad thing, if we are not fed quickly when the craving comes over us during the day. Why I have seen people I thought were normal turn into dangerous, crazed, caffeine driven monsters! And all after one common goal, to get caffeine no matter the costs!
All of this seems easy enough, in general, to satisfy one’s craving for caffeine. Sure, there is usually not a problem with it....we get the caffeine in our systems, we are fine and happy again, calm and serene for a while. But what if you can get no caffeine? What if there is only a little left and the person that beat you to it got the last of it? Perish the thought!
Okay, so they took the last of the caffeine and did not EVEN offer to share it! The nerve! Don’t panic! Okay, so it’s too late, you’re already panicking and coming apart at the very thought of it all.....no caffeine! What do I do? Use your brain, be calm and think! Think? How on earth can I think when there is no caffeine for my brain to think with!
You leave the place you are, running in a panic, trying to find more caffeine! So far no luck. You stop for a moment, realizing you are sweating, nearly in shock. You cannot think rationally at all. You have become a Caffeine Monster!
Your friends wonder what is wrong with you. The lovable person they know has went nuts on them. They try to calm you down, only to be hissed at. You wonder why they do not offer to get you caffeine, they MUST know what is wrong! Then it occurs to you why they are so calm.......they have caffeine!
You wait while no one is looking, while they are huddled together trying to decide what to do with you. Quietly you begin to sneak around and peak ever so silently into their things, hoping to find some caffeine. The rage inside of you is growing. Then you see it.
A Pepsi, all nice and cold, sitting there calling your name. You know that if you open it, they will hear you. Then the secret will be out......your caffeine addiction will be revealed to the world! What to do?
You make the snap decision to open it and guzzle as much as you can, as fast as you can, before they can see you and snatch the can from you. You mind is telling you to go for it, but you are afraid of being discovered, that you are a Caffeine Monster. Casting aside the fear, you open it and start guzzling, and they all turn around and watch you in absolute horror.
You are feeling better almost immediately, as soon as the caffeine touches your lips. You can feel the Caffeine Monster leaving, as you become yourself again. But they are still looking at you. Then you realize why.
You have devoured a can of Pepsi in less than three seconds, and you have Pepsi dribbling all around you from the haste of drinking, trying to appease the Caffeine Monster within. So you wipe your mouth nicely and smile so sweetly. You just survived your first caffeine withdrawal attack of the day, and all is well.
Copyright 2001 by Cindy Thomas
